summer simmer

summer can henceforth only be known as bad news bears.

the only things i've managed to do are sleep, eat, work, and think and as everyone knows, thinking is bad. a lot of things have gone in and out of my head over the past two weeks (wow, it's only been two weeks? goddamn) and it's had a lot of emotional baggage to go with it. it's weird for me if only because i may be passionate, but i'm not really emotional when it comes to things, but since i've been simmering here on this hole-riddled couch in my sweltering living room, there's been a lot on my mind. i hate that feeling, but it's impossible to get rid of it.

while talking to lily about people's relationships lately, we've determined 'types' in accordance to break ups. our friend invests way too much of herself into relationships and therefor has a huge breakdown when it's over-- the over-emotional investor. lily is a passive emotional person when it comes to break ups; she's sad and misses a lot that comes with it, but knows how to get over it and not let it affect her life too much. as for me? i'm the delayed-reaction breakup type.

when i first broke up with my boyfriend, i was okay with it. i was the one who brought it into the light and though i showed a little hesitation for it (i still liked him so i tried one more time; who wouldn't?) i was okay with it. i was fine and happy and never felt better the day after. i thought we would both be happier with that decision. however, two (almost three) weeks later, i'm starting to hate this feeling of being alone. i miss him, and a lot reminds me of him. it's not crippling and i'm not to the state of going OMG I MISS U TAKE ME BACK PLZ I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, but i feel substantially upset. i don't know if it's the concept of not having a boyfriend for support, but i don't think so, because i'm seeing him in other people, not picturing myself with somebody else. i've been trying to think of other guys as a joke to get myself back into the single girl swing of things ('he's hot!' or 'man, look at that guy. augh, he's cute') but, it's not working. haha. we didn't have that tight of a relationship, but i miss it, i miss him, and it stinks. i'm not sure what to do about it; i'm comfortable with the decision and don't regret it, but i wish i had something to get my mind off of it. we're still friends (he's at least spoken with me this summer, it made me happy) so that's a great thing, and i don't want to ruin that.

bah. i hate the summer; i'd much rather not think about it.