summertime blues

It's weird how a lot of people view summer as the harbinger of happiness-- it's the beacon of hope for every school kid no matter how you put it. In elementary school, it means more fun to run around and build tree forts. In middle school, no more annoying homework to deal with. In high school, an excuse to go out and have fun with friends and make some cash. In college, a break from the finals and harrowing responsibility. A lot of people look forward to just doing the opposite of college work and just appreciating the summer a little bit-- it's better than homework and responsibility, that's for sure.

But... I'm actually a little scared of summer. I'm going to miss my friends. "How am I supposed to eat alone?! I never eat alone!" "What am I supposed to do without Art House?" "I don't want to work-- I want to goof off at college and be ridiculous!" It's so unfortunate. But maybe it's not that that I'm scared of. They'll still be here when we get back next year, so I don't think I'll have the potential to miss them terribly. I think the thing I'm scared the most of is my relationship.

It's my first one, and we've been dating for about... three months now. But then, I guess it scares me because in two weeks, we won't see each other for another three months... I'm not worried about me so much as I'm worried about him. I have all the faith in the world in him despite the way he thinks of things and how he views relationships and how he holds on to his traditions. He's hesitant to try anything new and values the things he's always done and sticks to them. It's very opposite of me because I always try to do new things and make things up as I go-- I love him for the challenge. He's so different from me and I appreciate it. But part of me wonders if he appreciates me too? I do a lot for him and he says he likes it, but I'm paranoid. I like him a lot and want it to work but part of me wonders if he could care less or not.

Summer.

It worries me but not as much as it could. I can say something to him or not say something to him and be fine either way. I'm confident even when I shouldn't be. I'm happy even when I shouldn't be. I'm excited even when I shouldn't be. I know I want to stay with him and I will work with him over summer break and talk to him like I always do. But I hope he tries to do the same-- it's the only thing I trust in right now. I have faith in him and that's all I can do, right?

(:

<3