It's kind of eerie how weird our floor feels when people leave and there's no more paint on the doors. You see stuff in the hallways and wonder why it's there until it clicks and you realize people are going home. I've never been so sad about leaving a place before... I mean, it's not like we aren't coming back. Everyone that matters will still be here in three months. But... I don't know. It's going to be weird eating by myself, sleeping in a room by myself, not getting woken up by yelling at obscure hours, not being able to yell down the hall if I need something, and being ten minutes away from friends. It's depressing. It's so hard to understand though because I was fine without all of this stuff a year ago, but it's so weird to imagine not having it now.
Same goes with being single. I mean, I'm okay with it, but I really do miss having a boyfriend already. I did okay without having a boyfriend for 18 years of my lonesome little life, but now that I've experienced it and devoted a lot of my time to him, it's weird to imagine what I have to do without it. No hard feelings of course, but I miss being important to someone and I miss devoting my time to them. I have my friends and I'll be doing things for them all summer, but it's still so strange to imagine it. Things will come along and maybe I'll find someone else when I come back in the fall, but for now, it's gonna be kinda lonely, weird and sad. Oh well-- I'm determined to make the best of it.
It's great how passionate everyone is as of late. Every waking minute of my life this week has been spent with a group of other people, and we're doing things as if every second counted. Today we hung out in Jeremy's room all day, trekked to screenings, sat around in the grass outside of Building 76, watched some films, walked to dinner, came back, sat around, went outside and claimed our hill and just laid on each other. I guess to anyone else it would seem so peculiar how close we are and the things we're comfortable doing with each other. I love it though. It made this week so precious to me and it finally feels like I've made friends who are friends with me because they like me and care about me, unlike so many of the friends I've had in high school. There are a couple friends waiting for me at home who still care, and I appreciate them, but college has helped me discover who I am and what I want from life.
I've changed as a person and I'm in the greatest place I could be and I'm determined to make the most of it.
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